Self Care

If you have studied social work, you might groan at the title "Self Care", but you also may have your own story of how the use or mis-use of self care has impacted your life.  The importance of taking care of our minds and bodies is drilled into social work students during school. When you work in a field that is so emotionally taxing, it is incredibly important that you take care of yourself, otherwise burnout and health problems are likely to ensue. I can't stress enough how invaluable these lessons in self care can be - if we take them to heart! I learned my own lesson last semester, one I feel is important to share.

My senior field placement was at a hospice company near my school. I chose this placement because I knew that I would be outside of my comfort zone. Hospice social workers meet with dying patients and their families- assessing their emotional and social function, determining bereavement needs of the family, and coordinating services for the patient. I also did a lot of listening- hearing the concerns, grief, fear, and pain of patients and families going through such a difficult time. One of the many difficult parts of working in hospice is termination. Usually termination in a social work setting happens when a client has met their goals and no longer needs to see the social worker. In hospice, the patient leaves your service when they die. God may call a patient home before they, their family, or the staff that works with them is ready for them to go. In situations where there was conflict in the family, or the patient was wrestling with their spirituality, the social worker may feel that there was unfinished business, or that they were not able to accomplish closure for all involved.

This kind of job really takes its toll if you are unable to put up good boundaries between yourself and patients, and if you don't take care of your body. Boundaries are something I have always struggled with. I care so strongly about people, even strangers, that I tend to feel their hurts with them. I spent a semester greiving inwardly for the many patients that passed away, and bringing my job stress home with me. I completely disregarded everything I knew about taking care of myself - I didn't exercise, eat right, keep up with daily devotions, or seperate myself emotionally from my patients. I made myself literally sick not taking care of myself - so stressed that I started having acid reflux issues that I continue to deal with.  I also started to have bad anxiety about the future and worrying about the people I love dying. It was a difficult semester for me, but an excellent lesson that I need to care for my mind, body, and soul if I wish to do the same for others.

Sometimes when we learn lessons the hard way, we want to look up Heaven and say, "God, why couldn't you have just told me to do that instead of making me go through all that junk to figure it out myself?". He would probably reply "Didn't I bless you with an expensive education where numerous professors told you just that? No, you learn things best when you discover them for yourself." I know that the reason I got so sick last semester was that I needed to feel so uncomfortable that I would take my own initiative to help myself. And now I have the perfect motivation - to be healthier before I get married.

So this summer I started seeing a counselor in my area to work through my anxiety, I am eating my fill of delicious home cooking, going out in the warm, fresh air, spending time with good friends and family, reading my Bible the whole way through, going to church, and getting some exercise. My gift to my family, friends, future husband, and to myself, is that on my wedding day I hope to be a much happier, healthier and spiritually strong version of myself than the one they have seen the last half year. 

There are a few things I believe strongly, and one of them is that people should never be ashamed of getting help when they need it. Getting help doesn't mean that somebody has failed, it means they no longer have to go through their struggles alone. That is why I chose to make my story public. I have nothing to hide about how stress and anxiety took over my life, and how I am resolved to battle them until they no longer affect me. 

We are all struggling with our own burdens. God doesn't give any of us more than we can handle, but what one person can handle may be very different from what someone else can handle. Let's keep that in mind and support each other.

Thank you for reading!

Wedding Plans

I had been holding off on the wedding plans while I navigated my last semester of college, but now that it's summer I need to kick my inner wedding planner into high gear. It's funny that I used to think I wanted to be a wedding planner when I grew up - I blame that on a Jennifer Lopez movie I loved. Of course, when I was hooked on the Gilmore Girls, I thought I would some day start my own Bed & Breakfast. So impressionable... :) 

Right about now I would give my left arm for my own wedding planner. All I want is to tell somebody my vision and have them put together a masterpiece- without breaking the bank of course. This summer I will teach myself how to be crafty. My hope is that with the help of the internet and my bridesmaids, I can have a DIY (do it yourself) wedding that is charming, fun, and costs a fraction of what a typical American wedding would cost. 

 I just about had a heart attack when I read in my first bridal magazine that the average American wedding costs $25,000! It's no wonder too, since as soon as you say the word "wedding" vendors seem to jack their prices up to the ceiling. (See video below) What if instead of trying to suck every last cent out of an engaged couple and their parents, vendors lowered their prices for wedding services as a good will gift for couples starting off on their own... I can dream! 

 

(video has some light bad language)

Anyways, so now for my list of wedding tasks accomplished:

Colors picked: Navy Blue and Gold to match David's Army dress uniform

Locations set: My home church and a nearby Rod and Gun Club (rustic but it has character)

Wedding dress bought and hanging in my room! (squeal!!!)

Save the Date magnets sent

Invitations ordered (saved a bundle by making my own and having them printed by Staples for me to assemble)

Tuxes picked

Bridesmaid dresses almost all purchased

My wedding band purchased and his in the process

Verses and songs chosen

Organist found

Marriage counseling - has been underway for a few months. Dave and I are going through a devotional book and work book over video chat in the evenings. 

Now just a gazillion more details to hammer out. The biggest concern I have right now is the food, which we are hoping to do ourselves, and trying to decide if we should hire a DJ. 

It is overwhelming at times, but feels nice to list the things accomplished so that I have more confidence in moving forward with the rest of the To Do list. 

Bible Reading Update

One of my summer Bucket List items in to read the whole Bible. I've been a Christian my whole life, so it's a little embarrassing that I haven't been able to get through the whole book. This time I am determined to finish it!

I fell asleep reading the book of Leviticus this afternoon - a combination of being hot and sleepy, as well as getting a little tired of reading about burnt offerings. That's okay! I will get through it. Luckily the Bible has a lot of really cool stories that make up for the drier sections.  If you haven't read the stories of Moses, Joseph, Noah, Jonah, Esther, Daniel, etc you are missing out.

As a pastor told me a few weeks ago, "The Bible is your GPS! The best instruction manual for getting where you want to go!"

Summer Bucket List

Aside from planning my wedding and relaxing with friends, there are a few things that I really want to do this summer.

In no particular order (except for #1)

Summer Bucket List:


1. *fingers crossed* See Dave again before the wedding
2. Counsel Senior High week at camp one last time
3. Go to the beach at least 5 times
4. See fireworks
5. Sew myself a t-shirt quilt using all of the shirts I have accumulated since middle school
6. Get back into shape. I want to be fit and toned by the end of the summer!
7. Go camping
8. Read at least 5 books for fun
9. Go to a country music concert
10. See a sporting event
11. Try tennis
12. Read the entire Bible
13. Create a recipe book
14. Make a quilt from squares of fabric that people send me with their wedding rsvps (I'm going to ask each family to send me a square)

Stay tuned for updates!

Life Lesson #1

Here's the first lesson I've learned about life in the real world:

#1: Some times you really do get what you paid for. 

Take the cheap trash bags I am using to clean out my room for example - ultra thin, and they don't have a drawstring closure, so I had to cross my fingers that the tiny little knot I tied at the top wouldn't undo in an explosion of junk! Every single one of the seven trash bags I filled tore. I had to do that awkward bag hug - you know, where you try to use your arms to hold everything together as you carry the bag outside where it can become someone else's problem...

Seven trash bags? Three of actual trash, and four of clothes that I want to donate. Would you believe there still isn't room for everything in here? I guess I need to un-attach myself from some more stuff! I have a feeling that closer to the wedding I won't be caring as much about old college and high school memorabilia and it will be time to purge again. Next time with expensive heavy-duty trash bags on my side!

Many more lessons to come I'm sure!

Love Birds

Image:http://www.information-facts.com/wp-content/uploads/companions_adelie_penguins1-1024x768.jpg

What do cardinals, penguins, swans, and turtle doves have in common with David and I? We all will have one "mate" for life :) Today marks 100 days until I become Mrs. Berry!  It's interesting that if you look up a list of animals that mate for life, most of them are birds! That gives a whole new meaning to the term "love birds". Not only that, but Dave started calling me "Little Bird" our first week of dating because I always have little "bird snacks" to nibble on. 


Here's a bit of bird trivia for you straight from the blog I wrote when I was in Africa:
The Africa Weaver Bird:
"One very cool thing that I learned today was about the "Weaver Bird". These birds mate for life. The male bird skillfully crafts a nest that hangs from the trees. When he is finished the female inspects it. If she doesn't like it, the guy has to build another one again from scratch. Once the female is satisfied, the two mate. These birds mate for life and remain in the same 1km around their nest. If one dies, the other does not find a new mate. I think that this species of bird is incredibly sweet, and human men might like follow their example. ;) " 
source: http://kendallinafrica.blogspot.com/2010/02/safari-wednesday.html

Little did I know that two years later I would be able to identify with that female Weaver Bird. My fiance, David, is already down in Alabama getting his apartment ready for me to join him. I helped him pick the place - a cute little apartment in a wooded area that reminds me of camp. It's got an open layout, vaulted ceiling, a little laundry room with a washer/dryer, and access to a swimming pool - just about everything this happy little bird could want in our first home. David has been "building the nest" for a few months; sending pictures of different things like sheets and towels and asking if I liked them before buying. Of course, when I visit, I completely approve of everything he has done to make it more homey. I can't wait to get down there! 100 days feels like forever!

image: http://livedotdotdot.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/SouthAfricaWeaverInvestigation.jpg

Home

In college I learned that since "home is where your heart is", "home" is rarely just one place.

I still remember that confusion I felt the first time I visited my parents freshman year, and feeling like a visitor at my own house. Soon I had to become more detailed, saying "I'm heading home to Massachusetts" or "I'm on my way home to school".

Then I studied in Africa. Heading back to Uganda after a month in Rwanda felt like returning home. Even back in the States I will catch an interesting scent in the wind and thinking wistfully of my memories of Africa.

Interestingly, when I was in Africa, I would close my eyes and picture myself at the summer camp that has been part of my life since middle school. Just sitting down by the water next to a campfire brings me complete and utter contentment.

 Grandma's house is always a home away from home. When all the cousins get there for our summer reunion, we pick right back up where we left off, not missing a beat.

Then there's my church home - how comforting to hear wonderful messages while sitting with a congregation of people that have watched you grow up!

I've had two amazing social work internships where I have felt completely "at home" in the office - and I am so grateful for the people I met that help shape the social worker I have become.

Of course, now that I am engaged, I have even more "homes". I visited David's parents almost every weekend this last year of college. I felt so blessed to have the opportunity to get to know and love my in-laws - I know not everyone is so lucky.

And last, but certainly not least, in 104 days I will be getting married and starting a life  and home with David. Leaving his place today was incredibly hard. If home is where the heart is, then a huge part of it is in Alabama right now, and will stay there until the rest of my body can join it.

By now you can understand why this year of transitions is going to be a tough one - I just said goodbye to my school home and my in-laws', at the end of the summer I will be leaving my camp and family homes, and I will be moving south to start a brand new life.

It's amazing how the heart can be pulled so many directions and continue beating! 

The one thing that brings me comfort is knowing that even though I may tell myself I am leaving a place and might never come back, the memories that I have made in all of my many "homes" will never leave me, and I will never truly be without them.

First week of summer

I've started the summer off right with a week long visit in Alabama with my fiance. David will be the wonderful bookends of my first adult summer - beginning with a visit, and ending the summer with our wedding!

David is in the National Guard, and is currently stationed in Alabama for flight school. When he graduates, we will return to Pennsylvania where he will fly Apache helicopters. He is the most wonderful person I know, and I am so proud to be marrying him at the end of the summer. 

This week we lucked out and David had most of Mon-Wed off from training, so we got to spend a good deal of time together. Thursday and Friday (today) I have spent relaxing and getting to be lazy for the first time in months. I'm also practicing my domestic skills - tidying up, doing laundry and cooking nice meals. While I know that there is so much more to being a wife than being able to cook and clean, I still would love to give my future husband the gift of a well kept house. Call me old fashioned, but I think it's sweet and quite the accomplishment when women can keep up with a career and a household! 

Last night I made my first big meal - chicken, real mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, rolls and salad. It turned out really good and for the first time I actually really enjoyed cooking - I think it's because when you are cooking for somebody you love, it's not work anymore, it's fun! 

I only have 2 more days down here which is a real bummer. I can't wait till I'm down here for good!

Memories from Graduation Day - May 12th 2012

Graduation Day was incredibly special. Four years of studying at a small Christian liberal arts college for a bachelors degree in social work were at an end.  $150,000 later, I finally got what I earned with blood, sweat and literal tears - an empty diploma case that will house my degree after I pay off a few last minute fees to the school ( like that parking ticket I was too busy to appeal). It was beautiful weather for a Commencement ceremony- would you expect any less when the entire campus, family and friends were praying for good weather? 

I don't think I will ever forget the feeling of walking in a long line through campus, over the covered bridge, and past our professors and parents. That feeling of accomplishment really puffs you up inside. We made it through the service with the sweltering hot sun beating down on us - thank goodness for the water bottles placed under our seats and the brief but interesting commencement speaker. Then we got to watch our friends and our peers walk across the stage and enter the "real world". 

After the ceremony I met my family and friends down by the iconic covered bridge to take pictures (a week later I am still being tagged in the same exact pictures taken by the many different cameras present). The hardest part of the day was hugging some of my best friends and saying our "good byes". Thankfully many of us will be living in the same area of south-central Pennsylvania, because I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see some of these ladies again! 

I had a picnic lunch with my family and soon-to-be in-laws, and then finished moving out of my apartment. My family then drove caravan style back to our home in Massachusetts, arriving at 1am. 

College is over, and I have now officially started my adult life. 

If I had a dollar...

If I had a dollar for every time somebody asked me a variation of the question "What are your plans for after graduation", i'd be rich enough to not legitimately worry about the answer...

My name is Kendall. I am a newly graduated adult with a bachelors of social work degree. I've spent the last four years of my life learning, making amazing friends, studying in Uganda and Rwanda, and having an absolute blast in college. I laugh when I think about how I have been in school for the majority of my life - 17 out of 22 years!  I am amazed at the opportunities I have had, the places I have visited, the people I have met, and the changes I have witnessed in myself.

It's time to change roles. I will no longer identify myself as a "student" (though goodness knows I'll never stop learning), but will learn to accept my new position as an "adult" adventuring through the "real world".

A few things in my post-graduate life are certain: moving home for the summer, planning a wedding, getting married in September to David - the man of my dreams, and moving with him to Alabama while he finishes army flight school. Okay, so maybe I have more figured out than the typical college grad.... but the rest of my life is still spread open like a brand new journal, waiting for the adventures to be recorded. It's exciting and scary all at once.

I am starting this blog so that my friends and family can hear about the joys and trials of my journey after college. I am looking forward to seeing what the "real world" teaches me about life after graduation.