The Birds! A light bulb moment about worry

Have you ever had something so obvious just click in your mind? Something you've heard over and over but never really understood until it finally hits you over the head with a big, fat "Duh!"

Matthew 6:26 : "look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?"

The birds!! They literally do not know where their next meal will come from! And yet they sing and chirp and fly around all day to their hearts content. When they get hungry, they start looking for a juicy worm or bug to satisfy them. They don't sit around stressing about if they will be able to find food tomorrow or next month, because they live in the moment. God provides for them, and he will provide for us.

What would it be like to not plan out and stress about future events? Would we being flying after losing the weight of all those worries? Maybe we wouldn't be cruising the sky with the birds, but we would certainly feel a lot more free! 

Wedding Bands and Photo Books

David is going to have the coolest wedding band ever.  I just sent back the rubber impressions of my fingerprint so that it can be engraved on the inside of his wedding band.  It was like a cross between a science fair project and making those rubber mouth guards for soccer. I had to heat the water and warm up these rubber strips and then quickly press my finger into the molten rubber before it cooled. It was a good thing they gave four strips because I messed up two of them! I also caught the thermometer on fire because if had a little paper tag on it.  I think it would have gone smoother with a helper, and if I wasn't also talking on the phone with Dave while trying to fish the strips out of the hot water. 

I also got to request a special engraving. But that's a secret ;) 

We are super excited about this ring because it will be like holding hands forever. <3 

My band was custom made to look like my mother's. We both have solitaire engagement rings and her wedding band swirls around the diamond. I'm excited to wear it for real! 

Today I received in the mail our guest book. I made a photo book of all our special pictures with white space around each picture for guests to sign at the reception. It wont be a boring guest book that we throw on a shelf and never look at again, because we can keep it on our coffee table and see our pictures and remember the guests who came to our wedding. I am psyched to have at least a few cute details to make our reception unique. 

One last thing: 

We booked a room at a cute little country bed & breakfast that is 5 min. from the reception. Nice to know where we are staying!!

Oye... still so much to do before that wonderful day!

Complete and utter nonsense. I am more than frustrated..

I had a VERY unsatisfactory counseling session today, and I need to take a moment to vent about it. Being in the helping profession, I get upset when I witness this kind of nonsense.

As you may have gathered from previous posts, I am working through some anxiety this summer in preparation for marriage. I have met with a counselor in my area several times, and went back today for a visit. I was hoping that today we could get into some more coping methods for anxiety. No such luck.

I arrived at the office on time for my 1pm appointment, and was a little bit frustrated when I was still waiting at 1:30 to be seen. A young man came out of the office and asked me if I was here to see Doctor "X" (not going to give out names). I said yes. He said that he was from an insurance company and they have to evaluate counselors to make sure that they are giving satisfactory treatment to their patients so he would be meeting with me to discuss the counselor's performance. Okay...

1. I was not informed that I would not be seeing my regular counselor - which was disappointing because there were things I was really hoping to discuss

2. What if I was in a crisis and had been counting on seeing MY counselor? This was completely unprofessional to not give me the option to switch my appointment.

3. I had already paid my copay - money was already spent to see MY counselor. Plus, I had paid for an hour session, and had to waste 30min of it in the waiting room.

I told him that I didn't think I should have to pay to talk to an insurance company instead of actually getting counseled. If they need feedback, that should be on their own time and money.

He said, "well no but you are here for an hour session so it still counts" (no, actually, my hour was half over when you called me in).

I said, "well, I paid good money to talk to my counselor about my anxiety, not to give feedback to an insurance company. And he didn't tell me he wouldn't be meeting with me."

The guy answered "oh, well I actually am a counselor too, so I can counsel you a little bit. And your counselor should have told you, I'm sure he will apologize later".  I should have just walked out.

So this young man briefly asks me a few questions about how I like the counselor. Then he opens my file and starts asking me about why I am there. I understand that insurance companies are privy to patient information, but I think it is a little inappropriate to be reading my counselor's notes! I can imagine that this would have been really distressing for a client that had a lot of serious personal issues that he or she may or may not have felt comfortable sharing right away. Thankfully, I am very open with talking about my anxiety.  I summarized that I am seeing a counselor to deal with the significant life changes coming up, and my fear about my fiance who is in the army. 


So the guy launches into how he knows EXACTLY how I must be feeling because he used to be in the army and he broke up with the girl he was dating because being in an army relationship is very hard and there are problems that come with it..yada yada..  (I'm pretty sure we learned in social work that you don't tell someone you know exactly how they feel and then start talking about yourself as if it's a counseling session for you! And no, you don't know how I feel, you are a guy who was in the army, who dumped his girlfriend because she couldn't handle it. Whereas my fiance loves and cares for me and would never do something like that.)


THEN he goes on to tell me that since Dave is in the army and in flight school he has a lot of stress in his own life and I shouldn't be burdening him with my anxiety. That I may think my wedding details are a big deal but in the scheme of things, Dave has much more important things on his plate and I need to just stop worrying because my stresses aren't that big and Dave shouldn't have to be distracted by my anxiety. (Wow. I'm really glad somebody taught this guy about validation...Not to mention telling me that my worries are not as important as my fiances, and that I am just being a burden to him by having anxiety...that's just WRONG) 


I was so upset. I sternly reminded him that to each person, the things they are worrying about ARE big deals.  (At this point I am thinking about how I would do a better job of counseling myself than this guy). He goes on to tell me that really, Dave could die anywhere, and then launches into a story about some of his buddies that died in the states not on a deployment. Now, this is really sad, and I am sorry for the families of those men, but how is that at all helpful to me? Then he tells me "Just don't worry about it. Just stop and think positively. It really doesn't make sense to worry about those things...". (OH. MY. GOSH. do not EVER tell someone to "just stop" ... that is not helpful, and just makes them feel worse that they can't "just stop" their thoughts. Anyone who suffers from anxiety would tell you that they realize it is irrational, that doesn't mean it is easy to stop. Of course I don't want to worry, that's why I am seeing a counselor in the first place!)


So as I am looking for the clock to see if it's almost time to leave, I notice some pictures that look familiar... I ask him if he is related to my counselor. He sheepishly says "Yes, I am his son". I ask him to help me connect the dots as to why he is meeting with me. So he explains, "Well, we run an insurance agency out of this office and I handle the insurance billing and am the liaison for the counseling center. I counsel here two days a week. I am a youth pastor so I've done a lot of counseling people, and when I was an officer in the army I counseled the guys in my unit, so I have a lot of experience. (Is it just me or is it a bit of a conflict of interest for the insurance guy that is evaluating my counselor to actually be his son?? And I should have asked for some credentials because talking with your youth group and the guys from your unit doesn't necessarily make you an actual counselor)


I excused myself at 2 pm because I think it is only fair to other clients that they should get the FULL hour they paid for. 


I went to the receptionist, and told her that I shouldn't have had to pay for my visit when I was not even informed that the counselor was not going to be there. She said "I am sorry, but your counselor went on vacation so his son was filling in." I should have asked for my money back but didn't want to cause a scene. I said I would call if I ever decide to come back.


So basically, the guy I met with today lied to me by telling me that he was from the insurance company when really his father was just on vacation and asked him to cover his counseling sessions. I should have been notified that he was going on vacation because I would have happily switched my visit so that I could meet with my actual counselor. Not only was it unprofessional in general, but the guy I met with was a terrible counselor. If I didn't have a degree in social work, I probably wouldn't have caught all of the BS that was coming out of his mouth. I can only imagine that some other woman would have left feeling much worse about herself after being told that her worries were not important in comparison to her fiances. 


Needless to say I am considering filing a complaint, and will go elsewhere for counseling services. 


Please, if you are seeking help, and you don't feel that you are getting what you need from the place you are visiting, know that it is completely your right to go elsewhere. You should feel that you are getting what you need. 

Wedding update - 75 days!

75 days till the wedding!!!! That is nothing! It's kind of hard to contain myself at the moment ....

People are getting married left an right. Going on Facebook is like wedding photo album central...I mean who isn't putting a ring on it these days? Maybe it's just because I went to a Christian school where "ring by spring" was not just encouraged, but a reality. I bet more than half my class will be married by the 1 year reunion.

Here's a little update on my planning:
I have a caterer and the menu is looking delicious - he is willing to use some of our family recipes!

I have a decorating theme - and it has "B" in common!  Berries, Babies Breath, Burlap and Butterflies (you'll see!)

I have my invitations and RSVPs ready to be put in envelopes and am almost ready to review the address labels for errors. I also bought the cutest stamp for the envelopes.

Picked out songs and met with the organist yesterday after church.

This morning I put together the different playlists for the reception - cocktail hour, dinner, dancing, special dances, and slow dances. It was so fun finding songs I know we'll have fun dancing to! Any suggestions for "must play" songs?

Things are coming together!!

Really Good Advice

(Saw this on Facebook and had to share it)

Kitty!

Thought I'd share a few pictures of my cat. Her name is Kitty (unoriginal but genius at the same time). I don't think anyone is as spoiled or adored as this little creature.

One thing I love about cats is that really do consider themselves as superior to humans, and we ever so willingly serve them. ;)

Look at that queen! How could you not both fear and love her?

Never Say "Never"

I am trying to recall the exact details of a story my father told me once about a curse that was put on him...

Once upon a time, many many years ago, my father went to the zoo. The zoo-keeper that was leading the tour he was on had incredibly furry ears, so my father could help but laugh to his friends about it. (I can imagine the kind of jokes you might make about a zookeeper with furry ears.) Well, the zoo-keeper heard him and was rightfully offended. He scolded my father and told him that from now on when he was bold enough to say he hoped something never happened to him (ie. like growing fuzz on his ears), that very thing would happen. 

I'll have you know, that thanks to my dad, I too suffer from the "Never say 'Never'" curse. Let me tell you a few of the things I have said would never happen, that did.

My family drives from Massachusetts to Ohio every summer to Grandma's house. We spend at least half of this drive getting across the state of Pennsylvania. On a long car ride, nothing is worse than feeling like you aren't getting anywhere fast, so I always hated the Pennsylvania stretch of the road. I would say "I hate this stupid state. I would never want to live here".  HAH! When I applied to colleges I got a mysterious acceptance letter from Messiah College, in Grantham PA. I didn't recall applying there, and once again I said "I don't even want to look at the school, I don't want to live in Pennsylvania". But, of course, in the interest of seeing all my options, my mom took me to visit and I fell in love with the campus. Not only did I spend 4 years of college in PA, but my fiance is in the PA National Guard, so we will be living there after we get married. I've found it's really not that bad of a state after all. :)

Here are just a few of the larger things I had set my mind against:
1. Switching majors in college (because I didn't want to be one of 'that statistic' of people that don't know from the start what they want to do.
2. Getting married after knowing somebody a short period of time (because how could you possibly "know" without spending years dating a person)
and here's the kicker, #3. Never ever ever, in a million years, would I marry somebody in the armed forces. No way.

God is sitting up there laughing and laughing at me.

Not only did I decide I had to change majors from Business to Social Work, and then bust my butt to finish school on time, but David Berry had to come along and ruin everything I thought about marriage and who I would fall for.

Our first date, after half a day of knowing David, I knew I wanted to marry him. I felt like such a hypocrite calling my friends and saying "I know he is the one" and then warning people that summer that we would probably be engaged within a year - a blissfully happy hypocrite.

In 84 days I will be marrying a soldier - probably the biggest thing I said I would never do. And, wouldn't you know it, I am actually psyched to be an Army wife! I have always admired the women who were able to be strong wives and mothers while their husbands were out giving the ultimate sacrifice. I just never thought I could handle the stress and anxiety myself.

I went from never wanting anything to do with the armed forces, to having it as a large part of my life.
By now, almost all of the important men in my life are in the service. My fiance, his brother, many of my cousins, and now, my own brother.

Yesterday, my brother was sworn into the National Guard. I still remember when he first told me that he wanted to be a soldier. It was his second week in the USA (he is adopted from Haiti), and we were out walking when I asked him what he wanted to do when he graduated high school. With a strong accent he said "Join the army!". I actually started crying - unable to bear the thought of possibly losing my brother when had just waited 7 years to bring him to this country. Every time I saw an National Guard commercial I would try to push back this nagging feeling that it would some day affect me in a big way.

I remember when I first brought David home to meet the family, and Argusto gave me this satisfied smile that said "now that you're dating a soldier you can't very well tell me I can't be one".

Two years later, I could not be more proud of my brother. It is truly an honor in my mind that a man from another country would be willing to risk his life to fight for ours. I'm really glad that I have gained enough perspective to see past the scary parts of having a loved one in the armed forces, so that I can embrace the privilege of knowing such amazing men and women.

Nowadays, I am a lot more realistic about what could "never" happen to me - because really, anything is possible. When I try to control my life God loves to blow my mind by making my impossible come true. Though I affectionately refer to this phenomena as a curse, so many unexpectedly wonderful things have come about in my life that I never thought could be so good. I tend to want to be safe and do things within my comfort zone, but when I have had to give up my own control I have found myself incredibly blessed. I'd love meet that hairy-eared zoo-keeper man and thank him for drawing the attention to the fact that life doesn't always happen exactly the way we've planned it.

Never say "Never", because the things you fear can turn out to be the best things in your life.

My thoughts on Snow White (with a little extra)

It seems like the cinemas have caught Snow White fever! I just got back from seeing Snow White and the Huntsman with my mother and siblings. I honestly hated Disney's Snow White when I was a child, but I enjoyed this one!. I thought Kristen Stewart did a lot better in this film than I expected her to, and Charlize Theron did a great job playing the queen. Does anyone else remember her from Arrested Development where she play a much sweeter and more lovable role?

Here's a question, what is it with society and evil step mothers?? Snow White, Cinderella, Baroness Von Schrader from The Sound of Music.... they are like the character we love to hate. I sometimes wonder if this negative stereotype has affected our perceptions in real life as well...

I appreciated that this retelling of Snow White broke away from the typical Disney plot where a beautiful princess needs a prince to save the day. Sure, she still had true loves kiss, but it was from a character who fought along side her and respected her. In Disney's version doesn't he just stumble across her dead body, kiss her, and suddenly he is Mr. Perfect and they are hurried off to their wedding? The guy decides "oh hey, such a beautiful dead woman, I'd really like to kiss her", and it just so happens that he is a prince AND her true love. I've always been one for enjoying a movie for its entertainment value, and not getting too worked up over how the story was told, but as an audience member, I do enjoy getting to know the character before he whisks her off her feet. Plus, her true love was a commoner not a prince. Not to mention as a woman, I can really get into seeing a strong female character.

I'm not a feminist, but I do think that when the media portrays the female character as useless without her male counterpart it is a bit insulting. Aren't women heroes every day? Like the woman whose husband is deployed that looks out for other military wives,  the single mother who works two jobs and raises her children, the woman who is battling a disease but still makes an effort to help others, or even just the mom who brings her child's lunch to school because they forgot it at home. Every woman has a heroine inside them waiting to defeat the dragons life sets before them! That was my little "Girl Power" rant inspired by a trip to the movies :)

In other news, you may know that my wedding reception is going to be at a rod and gun club. I would like to thank Hollywood for starting a Snow White theme - my wedding will fit right in! Several times I have joked that maybe I should make my wedding Snow White themed. It fits! Snow White brings her prince back to the woods to celebrate with her huntsmen friends! Guess I don't have to work on my tan anymore!

Wedding Update

How does a bride forget her own wedding date?!?! In my excitement to order my invitations and RSVP cards I didn't notice that I had written the wedding date as 2013...not 2012. It's really frustrating to find that out AFTER they have already been printed and paid for. Now I either salvage them or order them again. The cost is either time or money...neither of which I have much of with 91 days left till the wedding. 

I'm sure I will laugh about this later, but for now I am frustrated. 

Fitness Update

I just finished my first workout using my new gym membership. It's about 6 minutes from my job, and every weekday at 4:30 I can take a fitness class- perfect!! Everyone has been raving about Zumba so I can't wait to try it.

I'm really encouraged by how good it felt swimming laps and being around other people who were working out. I'm a gym person. I prefer to be able to get off the treadmill or out of the pool if I want to stop instead of having to get back to my starting point.

The other great thing about this gym is that I can use the outdoor pool for sunbathing!  I love that sunshine!