I had a VERY unsatisfactory counseling session today, and I need to take a moment to vent about it. Being in the helping profession, I get upset when I witness this kind of nonsense.
As you may have gathered from previous posts, I am working through some anxiety this summer in preparation for marriage. I have met with a counselor in my area several times, and went back today for a visit. I was hoping that today we could get into some more coping methods for anxiety. No such luck.
I arrived at the office on time for my 1pm appointment, and was a little bit frustrated when I was still waiting at 1:30 to be seen. A young man came out of the office and asked me if I was here to see Doctor "X" (not going to give out names). I said yes. He said that he was from an insurance company and they have to evaluate counselors to make sure that they are giving satisfactory treatment to their patients so he would be meeting with me to discuss the counselor's performance. Okay...
1. I was not informed that I would not be seeing my regular counselor - which was disappointing because there were things I was really hoping to discuss
2. What if I was in a crisis and had been counting on seeing MY counselor? This was completely unprofessional to not give me the option to switch my appointment.
3. I had already paid my copay - money was already spent to see MY counselor. Plus, I had paid for an hour session, and had to waste 30min of it in the waiting room.
I told him that I didn't think I should have to pay to talk to an insurance company instead of actually getting counseled. If they need feedback, that should be on their own time and money.
He said, "well no but you are here for an hour session so it still counts" (no, actually, my hour was half over when you called me in).
I said, "well, I paid good money to talk to my counselor about my anxiety, not to give feedback to an insurance company. And he didn't tell me he wouldn't be meeting with me."
The guy answered "oh, well I actually am a counselor too, so I can counsel you a little bit. And your counselor should have told you, I'm sure he will apologize later". I should have just walked out.
So this young man briefly asks me a few questions about how I like the counselor. Then he opens my file and starts asking me about why I am there. I understand that insurance companies are privy to patient information, but I think it is a little inappropriate to be reading my counselor's notes! I can imagine that this would have been really distressing for a client that had a lot of serious personal issues that he or she may or may not have felt comfortable sharing right away. Thankfully, I am very open with talking about my anxiety. I summarized that I am seeing a counselor to deal with the significant life changes coming up, and my fear about my fiance who is in the army.
So the guy launches into how he knows EXACTLY how I must be feeling because he used to be in the army and he broke up with the girl he was dating because being in an army relationship is very hard and there are problems that come with it..yada yada.. (I'm pretty sure we learned in social work that you don't tell someone you know exactly how they feel and then start talking about yourself as if it's a counseling session for you! And no, you don't know how I feel, you are a guy who was in the army, who dumped his girlfriend because she couldn't handle it. Whereas my fiance loves and cares for me and would never do something like that.)
THEN he goes on to tell me that since Dave is in the army and in flight school he has a lot of stress in his own life and I shouldn't be burdening him with my anxiety. That I may think my wedding details are a big deal but in the scheme of things, Dave has much more important things on his plate and I need to just stop worrying because my stresses aren't that big and Dave shouldn't have to be distracted by my anxiety. (Wow. I'm really glad somebody taught this guy about validation...Not to mention telling me that my worries are not as important as my fiances, and that I am just being a burden to him by having anxiety...that's just WRONG)
I was so upset. I sternly reminded him that to each person, the things they are worrying about ARE big deals. (At this point I am thinking about how I would do a better job of counseling myself than this guy). He goes on to tell me that really, Dave could die anywhere, and then launches into a story about some of his buddies that died in the states not on a deployment. Now, this is really sad, and I am sorry for the families of those men, but how is that at all helpful to me? Then he tells me "Just don't worry about it. Just stop and think positively. It really doesn't make sense to worry about those things...". (OH. MY. GOSH. do not EVER tell someone to "just stop" ... that is not helpful, and just makes them feel worse that they can't "just stop" their thoughts. Anyone who suffers from anxiety would tell you that they realize it is irrational, that doesn't mean it is easy to stop. Of course I don't want to worry, that's why I am seeing a counselor in the first place!)
So as I am looking for the clock to see if it's almost time to leave, I notice some pictures that look familiar... I ask him if he is related to my counselor. He sheepishly says "Yes, I am his son". I ask him to help me connect the dots as to why he is meeting with me. So he explains, "Well, we run an insurance agency out of this office and I handle the insurance billing and am the liaison for the counseling center. I counsel here two days a week. I am a youth pastor so I've done a lot of counseling people, and when I was an officer in the army I counseled the guys in my unit, so I have a lot of experience. (Is it just me or is it a bit of a conflict of interest for the insurance guy that is evaluating my counselor to actually be his son?? And I should have asked for some credentials because talking with your youth group and the guys from your unit doesn't necessarily make you an actual counselor)
I excused myself at 2 pm because I think it is only fair to other clients that they should get the FULL hour they paid for.
I went to the receptionist, and told her that I shouldn't have had to pay for my visit when I was not even informed that the counselor was not going to be there. She said "I am sorry, but your counselor went on vacation so his son was filling in." I should have asked for my money back but didn't want to cause a scene. I said I would call if I ever decide to come back.
So basically, the guy I met with today lied to me by telling me that he was from the insurance company when really his father was just on vacation and asked him to cover his counseling sessions. I should have been notified that he was going on vacation because I would have happily switched my visit so that I could meet with my actual counselor. Not only was it unprofessional in general, but the guy I met with was a terrible counselor. If I didn't have a degree in social work, I probably wouldn't have caught all of the BS that was coming out of his mouth. I can only imagine that some other woman would have left feeling much worse about herself after being told that her worries were not important in comparison to her fiances.
Needless to say I am considering filing a complaint, and will go elsewhere for counseling services.
Please, if you are seeking help, and you don't feel that you are getting what you need from the place you are visiting, know that it is completely your right to go elsewhere. You should feel that you are getting what you need.
