RSVPs

It is the evening before August 1st! That means that as of tomorrow there will be a month left until the wedding - one more month of unmarried life! It also means that starting tomorrow everyones' wedding RSVPs are due back.

Only about a 5th of the people we have invited sent us back an RSVP. Now, I did make it a bit more difficult, since I asked each household to send a piece of fabric for a quilt I am making, but otherwise it's as simple as checking a box on a pre-addressed and stamped envelope and dropping it in the mail!!

So starting tomorrow, Dave and I will be making a lot of calls and sending a lot of texts so that we can finally have an idea of how many people are able to attend our big day. It is going to be such a relief to have our final guest count, and to get excited about who will be there celebrating with us!

You find out who your friends are

I would really like to thank all of my friends who were so supportive of me this last week. I couldn't be more thankful for the outpouring of love that I felt after the death of my good friend. I was really impressed by the people that made a point of telling me they were thinking of me and offering a listening ear.

There were a few people who I would have considered close friends that did not say a single thing to me, though they knew what I was going through. At the same time there were people that reached out to me that I didn't expect to hear from. I've come to accept that I need to be happy for the good friends that I have instead of being sad that some friends weren't there when I needed them to be.  I have realized that you find out who your friends are, and who is willing to take a minute or two out of their own lives to support you when you are dealing with something difficult. I think I have come to a place of peace where instead of being upset that a few people showed that they maybe aren't truly friends, I will instead focus on how amazing so many people were in texting and calling to show their love and support.

Seriously, thank you so much to everyone for being so great this week. It warms my heart to have so many good friends that care about me! I really did find out that I have some of the most amazing friends in the world. Love you guys


There's a country song that says it right: 

"Everybody wants to slap your back

wants to shake your hand

When you're up on top of that mountain

But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up

and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end

This ain't where the bandwagon stops

This is just one of those times when

A lot of folks jump off

You find out who your friends are

Somebody's gonna drop everything

Run out and crank up their car

Hit the gas, get there fast

Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'

They just show on up with their big old heart

You find out who your friends are"

Update - 37 days

If we are friends on Facebook you may be wondering why your news feed has not been filled with my happy little chirps about wedding plans and such. Not to worry, everything is fine with David and I, and the wedding is coming together slowly but surely. I've decided to tone things down in light of some recent tragedies.

Last Sunday one of my dear friends died in a car accident. He and his girlfriend, one of my best friends (and bridesmaid) were driving and lost control. Thank goodness my best friend miraculously survived, but I can imagine that there is nothing as painful as losing the love of your life, especially so young. It has been a very difficult week dealing with my own sadness of losing a friend, but also watching one of my best friends deal with something so awful. You can imagine that as I continue to plan my wedding, I do so with a sense of guilt that I am so blessed to be celebrating a happy time in my life while my dear friend is mourning something tragic happening to her.

Out of respect for my friend I am doing my best to tone down my public excitement of the upcoming wedding. On the inside, though, I am so thankful to have something positive to think about when the sadness feels like it is too much. With the goal of doing something positive to move forward, I have started packing my things in anticipation of my big move to Alabama.

Everything we have gone through this week reinforces to me that life is short and unexpected. Which makes me more anxious than ever to have Dave in my arms again. 37 Days

My last unmarried trip to Alabama

Two weeks ago I was in Alabama visiting Dave for the last time before our wedding. Here are a few memories to summarize my wonderful trip:

Started off on a dumb moment. When I gave Dave the receipt for his wedding band, I accidentally showed him the surprise engraving on the inside :( I was so bummed that I ruined the surprise for him...oh well.

I was not prepared for just how hot it was going to be down south! The first couple days I could barely breathe! It was like being in a hot sauna when somebody pours water over the rocks and all of a sudden it's a struggle to breathe! Dave an I would take evening walks around the track on base, and my feet would start cooking in my shoes because the asphalt was so hot - like walking on coals even at 8pm! The good news was that it meant the pool was really warm, so Dave and I would go and stay in the water for 2 hours instead of having to get out to warm up. I got dehydrated almost every day - but I think I still prefer being warm to being freezing cold.

I made the most fantastic peach and berry cobbler one day in honor of a hospice patient I cared for. She taught me about baking, so it was a great way to celebrate her life. (Recipe in a post below)

Dave and I have a growing passion for cooking....because we love to eat good food!

Dave bought me the 2nd and 3rd Hunger Games books to read, so I finally got to do some reading for fun! I spent most mornings relaxing with a book while Dave was in class. He only had half days, so I did all my reading before lunch. :)

At the pool there was a playful bird that kept swooping down and splashing in the water right next to us - it was fearless and so cute!

We went to a 4th of July party with Dave's buddies. It was a lot of fun meeting all of the people Dave has been telling me about. They were all very friendly and welcoming, and the food was fantastic! Dave and I need to get a grill so we can have some of our own BBQs!

Dave and I parked in an empty parking lot on base to watch the fireworks so that we could beat all the crowds that had parked in the designated field. It was so worth it to not have to sit in a long line of cars!

Dave and I watched The Bucket List, and then proceeded to write our own. We made a long list of things we hope to do together throughout our lives. One of the things on our list is to try every pizza at Mellow Mushroom - the most delicious pizza place I have ever been to! We got started and tried 5 different flavors while I was down there!!


The last night I was in Alabama, Dave and I put on some music and practiced our first dance for the wedding. Nothing spectacular - mostly just shuffling around the floor together. Of course even if we look semi-pathetic out on the dance floor, everyone will see how happy we are and think it's cute!


One of the funnest moments of our trip was the drive to the airport. Usually this is a sad affair, but Dave and I had a blast videotaping us singing along to fun songs and being silly. It's so good to know we can have fun acting crazy with each other, and not take ourselves too seriously. 

49 days until I walk down the aisle and get to spend the rest of my life with Dave!

Sermon link

Here is a link to the sermon my dad preached last Sunday when my pastor was out of town. I think he did a really good job, and it's clear he and I are on the same wavelength about love needing to be the motivation for helping people. If you have 25min, check it out!

http://www.mtcalvaryacton.org/sermons?book=2+Corinthians&preacher=5

My own form of closure..

In the post below this one you will find the recipe for a delicious peach and berry crisp I made last week to celebrate the life of a patient that impacted my life last semester - my own kind of closure. This crisp was an incredibly yummy treat to share with David. Not only was it fun to bake something I had never made before, but I spent the time thinking about a lady I met during my internship last year: 

One of our hospice patients needed extra care during the day while her partner was at work, so I was volunteered to stay with her for a full day, once a week. At first, I am ashamed to admit, I was reluctant about staying with her. She was a lesbian who felt persecuted by Christians, and religion was a forbidden topic for her. I knew that she knew I was a Christian, and I was sure that she didn't want me near her, which would make for some long days. My hope was to go into the situation and not push any kind of Christian agenda (which would have been unethical anyways in social work practice), but just to show her God's love through how I treated her. 

All of my expectations were completely blown out of the water. Not only did I get an experience that helped me develop more skills and confidence in myself as a social worker, but I learned some very valuable lessons about being a Christian. 

At first, the patient and I had some awkwardness, but both being social individuals, we soon began to chat about life, our interests and more serious topics like anxiety and death. You can imagine that 9 hours straight with a bed ridden individual makes for a lot of time to talk! One day she felt well enough for me to wheel her to the kitchen where she instructed me on how to bake a delicious cake, and taught me a few things about baking. 

Soon, the patient and I were much more comfortable with each other. She began to see that even though I was a Christian, I did not let the fact that I disapproved of her lifestyle, affect the way I treated her. I gave her dignity and respect, and she actually came to me asking about my beliefs and about God. I never brought the topic of religion up, but somehow it became part of our conversations. She felt I was a safe person to talk to about it. She told me that she had not had any good experiences with Christians before me, which makes it painfully clear why she was against Christianity. Why should she want anything to do with God, when Christians have treated homosexuals so poorly?

The moment I will never forget was hearing her say with tears in her eyes, "I have started praying. I know I wouldn't be welcome in a church, but thank you for showing me in my last days on earth that God still loves me and cares about me". She told me that her wish was that when she passed away, Jesus would be holding her in his arms comforting his sick child. Such a beautiful image, and I truly hope that was how she was carried to Heaven. 

These visits really burdened my heart. How MANY of God's children are lost from His kingdom because they don't feel welcomed by The Church? Why do we continue to let "normal" sins like greed, jealousy pride, and lust go unchecked, but we are so hateful towards people who struggle with a sin we somehow find unpardonable. I saw a church sign that I think really hit the nail on the head: "Don't hate others because their sin is different than yours." Every single sin is exactly as bad as the others. Luckily, Jesus died so that all of us sinners would be forgiven - no sin was unpardonable to him. Jesus would be absolutely appalled by the way many Christians treat homosexuals, as if they have some sort of plague that makes them untouchable. 

How many times have I heard "just get them to church" or "they need to know their sin is wrong". My personal opinion, backed up by at the very least the experience I had with this patient, is that our only motivation should be love. You are wrong if you think that a person you are "saving" doesn't see what's truly motivating you. We need to ask ourselves, "is my motivation genuine love and concern for this person? Or am I seeing this person  as another seat filled at church? Am I actually caring for this person, or am I pretending to take an interest as a means to expedite getting them saved? Is my association with them conditional on them changing? Will I still be around to support them if they don't?" 

 Love God's people, and HE will do the rest. Guaranteed, if I had entered her house thumping my Bible, she would have completely closed me out. Instead I treated her with respect and developed an actual rapport and relationship with her. Then SHE came to ME wanting to know more about my faith. Not only did this allow God to impact her life through me, it also healed some of the hurt that Christians had been inflicting on her throughout her whole life. 

I'd like to believe that she continued to develop her relationship with God in her last days, but I'm not sure because I stopped seeing her after I graduated. I hope someday I will meet her in Heaven, and thank her for how much she changed my perspective. I want to let her know that God used her to give me a lesson on loving ALL people. Unconditionally. That He can use the die-hard evangelists, but he can also use people like me, who never thought they would be an instrument of God's grace. 

I didn't expect to be so impacted by this patient, and I think about her often. I think she would agree that letting my voice be heard about this important subject is the perfect way for me to have closure, and to celebrate her life. 

Want to discuss this further? Feel free to contact me!

Peach and Berry Cobbler

While I was in Alabama visiting David, I decided to do some baking in remembrance of one of the hospice patients I worked with last semester that really touched my heart. Here is the delicious recipe that I adapted from Real Simple:

Peach and Berry Cobbler

Ingredients:

6 peaches cut into pieces 

1 cup blueberries

5 strawberries

1/6 cup granulated sugar

1/3 cup plus 1Tbs  flour

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/8 tsp kosher salt

1/3 cup (3/4 stick) of butter chilled and cut into small pieces

1 cup rolled oats

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 350 F 

2. In a large bowl toss peaches, blueberries, strawberries, granulated sugar, and 1Tbs flour. Transfer to loaf baking dish

3. In a separate bowl combine brown sugar, salt and remaining 1/3 cup flour. using your fingers, incorporate the butter until course crumbs form. (fun!! and who can resist licking their fingers afterwards?) Mix in oats.

4. Sprinkle topping over fruit 

5. Bake until top in golden and fruit is tender (about 35-40 min)

6. Enjoy warm with vanilla ice cream!

Life Lesson #2: You can't invite everybody

This post is timely, since invitations have been sent and are arriving in mailboxes around the globe...

If you ever went through an awkward middle school phase, you may have memories of being left out. Maybe you weren't welcome at the "popular" lunch table, or perhaps you always had to hear about parties and sleep overs second hand because nobody thought to invite you. Having been a bit of a dork in middle school, I can remember thinking "if it was my sleep over, I wouldn't have left anyone out." Ahhhh middle school....what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

But seriously, I really hate for people to feel left out.

So here I am throwing the biggest party I will probably ever throw in my life, my WEDDING, and I have the heart wrenching job of making the guest list. I think my least favorite part of this whole process has been realizing that I really can't invite everyone.

David and I have both lived incredibly rich and blessed lives, filled with people who care for us and would probably love to see us get married. First, you find that you have more relatives than you remembered.  Why does it seem like the words "we don't want to offend anyone" are always used when referring to distant relatives who probably don't care if they are invited, and would understand if we sent the invite to someone we actually know? Then there are neighbors, school friends, college friends, camp friends, campers, Dave's gaming buddies, deployment buddies, flight school friends, youth group and Sunday school peers, our parents' friends, the President, and of course an entire church full of people to consider. Too many!! If we had an unlimited budget we would then run into the problem of finding a venue big enough for so many people!

All that to say, if you didn't get an invitation to our wedding, please don't be offended. It hurts both of us to think of anyone being left out who truly wants to come. There are many difficult decisions in life...who knew that making a simple guest list would put me through the ringer!?