I'm not trying to stereotype, but I've noticed that women can be especially bad with this. We've all been at a work function, or a "Girl's Night Out" that turns into a complaining session about everyone's boyfriends or husbands. Someone's man is awful at this or that. Someone else's is fat, or lazy or has some other unappealing flaw. Or other women just can't wait till their man is out of town because life is better or easier when they aren't around. Sometimes these gripe sessions turn into a competition of who has the worst situation - each woman trying to one up the others. It's incredibly sad! It makes me want to ask, "Don't you realize that you are only making your problems WORSE by disrespecting your relationship this way? Maybe those things are true, certainly every relationship has its ups and downs, but this is not the solution!" I truly believe that if those things are going to get better, it's going to take love and honesty with each other, not complaining to everyone else or turning it into a joke. Perhaps some of these women have given up hope that their situations can get better... if that's the case, the LAST thing they need to hear is "wow you're right, he sounds as bad as my husband..."
I can't decide which is worse, talking bad about a loved one behind their back, or making fun of them in front of others. It appears that some women must have really low respect for their men, if they are not only willing to make fun of them when they aren't around, but also to their face, and in front of his friends. I feel myself cringe inwardly when I see ladies publicly humiliate their man in front of others. It's not funny, it's not cute. It just makes the rest of the crowd either feel awkward, or leads to more negative or hurtful poking fun. Not to mention, you are revealing an inner desire to build yourself up by putting others down - in this case, of all people, someone you are supposed to love and cherish.
Some readers may be thinking that I am being judgmental of relationship issues I haven't faced myself. This is probably true to some extent. I am incredibly blessed to have a husband that, in my opinion, is the sweetest and most considerate man on Earth. I don't think I could find a bad thing to say about David if I tried, which certainly makes it easier to have good things to say about him. That being said, we are both human, and every relationship will have problems to work through together. Key word : together. As in between him, and me, and God.
I'm not saying that every issue or problem should be hidden, or that people should put on a false front, pretending they have the perfect relationship. If there is something personal that is bothering me in any aspect of my life or relationship, I think it's okay to share those thoughts with my "nearest and dearest". Meaning, I have a select few best friends and family members that genuinely want to encourage me to make things better. These are the people that care about both me and my husband. I can rely on them to keep the conversation confidential, to offer suggestions and advice, and to tell me when I am actually the one with the problem (which is frequently the case)...not those people that are just looking for some juicy gossip to pass on, or want to egg me on in my negative thinking. Plus, when my coworkers or acquaintances meet David for the first time, I want to have paved a way before the introduction - a path of reasons that I love him and am proud of him.
In my wedding vows to David I said :
"...I vow to uphold you in prayer, and submit my heart to you; to always
be by and on your side, that the presence of the Lord reside in our home..."
I said it, and I meant it. No matter how satisfying it may feel to gossip... No matter the desire to have frustrated/negative feelings justified by others.. No matter how easy it is to want to be part of the crowd or conversation... I will only say positive and uplifting things about David behind his back and in public.
I am a firm believer that my marriage will not flourish if David and I don't stand by each other, and for each other. I cannot explain the peace and reassurance it is to know that David will only say good things about me to others. We trust one another to build each other up, and at the same time, we are cementing our strong bond so that we can survive any conflict that comes our way.
I would really encourage all of my readers to think about the message they are sending to others about their significant other. Is it loving? Is it kind? Does it strengthen your relationship, or weaken it? If you can't say something nice, be silent.
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29
(Photo by Sherei Jackson Photography)
