One of our hospice patients needed extra care during the day while her partner was at work, so I was volunteered to stay with her for a full day, once a week. At first, I am ashamed to admit, I was reluctant about staying with her. She was a lesbian who felt persecuted by Christians, and religion was a forbidden topic for her. I knew that she knew I was a Christian, and I was sure that she didn't want me near her, which would make for some long days. My hope was to go into the situation and not push any kind of Christian agenda (which would have been unethical anyways in social work practice), but just to show her God's love through how I treated her.
All of my expectations were completely blown out of the water. Not only did I get an experience that helped me develop more skills and confidence in myself as a social worker, but I learned some very valuable lessons about being a Christian.
At first, the patient and I had some awkwardness, but both being social individuals, we soon began to chat about life, our interests and more serious topics like anxiety and death. You can imagine that 9 hours straight with a bed ridden individual makes for a lot of time to talk! One day she felt well enough for me to wheel her to the kitchen where she instructed me on how to bake a delicious cake, and taught me a few things about baking.
Soon, the patient and I were much more comfortable with each other. She began to see that even though I was a Christian, I did not let the fact that I disapproved of her lifestyle, affect the way I treated her. I gave her dignity and respect, and she actually came to me asking about my beliefs and about God. I never brought the topic of religion up, but somehow it became part of our conversations. She felt I was a safe person to talk to about it. She told me that she had not had any good experiences with Christians before me, which makes it painfully clear why she was against Christianity. Why should she want anything to do with God, when Christians have treated homosexuals so poorly?
The moment I will never forget was hearing her say with tears in her eyes, "I have started praying. I know I wouldn't be welcome in a church, but thank you for showing me in my last days on earth that God still loves me and cares about me". She told me that her wish was that when she passed away, Jesus would be holding her in his arms comforting his sick child. Such a beautiful image, and I truly hope that was how she was carried to Heaven.
These visits really burdened my heart. How MANY of God's children are lost from His kingdom because they don't feel welcomed by The Church? Why do we continue to let "normal" sins like greed, jealousy pride, and lust go unchecked, but we are so hateful towards people who struggle with a sin we somehow find unpardonable. I saw a church sign that I think really hit the nail on the head: "Don't hate others because their sin is different than yours." Every single sin is exactly as bad as the others. Luckily, Jesus died so that all of us sinners would be forgiven - no sin was unpardonable to him. Jesus would be absolutely appalled by the way many Christians treat homosexuals, as if they have some sort of plague that makes them untouchable.
How many times have I heard "just get them to church" or "they need to know their sin is wrong". My personal opinion, backed up by at the very least the experience I had with this patient, is that our only motivation should be love. You are wrong if you think that a person you are "saving" doesn't see what's truly motivating you. We need to ask ourselves, "is my motivation genuine love and concern for this person? Or am I seeing this person as another seat filled at church? Am I actually caring for this person, or am I pretending to take an interest as a means to expedite getting them saved? Is my association with them conditional on them changing? Will I still be around to support them if they don't?"
Love God's people, and HE will do the rest. Guaranteed, if I had entered her house thumping my Bible, she would have completely closed me out. Instead I treated her with respect and developed an actual rapport and relationship with her. Then SHE came to ME wanting to know more about my faith. Not only did this allow God to impact her life through me, it also healed some of the hurt that Christians had been inflicting on her throughout her whole life.
I'd like to believe that she continued to develop her relationship with God in her last days, but I'm not sure because I stopped seeing her after I graduated. I hope someday I will meet her in Heaven, and thank her for how much she changed my perspective. I want to let her know that God used her to give me a lesson on loving ALL people. Unconditionally. That He can use the die-hard evangelists, but he can also use people like me, who never thought they would be an instrument of God's grace.
I didn't expect to be so impacted by this patient, and I think about her often. I think she would agree that letting my voice be heard about this important subject is the perfect way for me to have closure, and to celebrate her life.
Want to discuss this further? Feel free to contact me!
