Here are some things I learned along the way:
1. Your wedding WILL cost you more than you planned for it to cost.
No matter how good your budget is, there will always be expenses you weren't expecting. Stamps, for example. I kept the postal service in business with all the stamps I bought. Save the Dates, Invitations, return envelopes for RSVPs, Bridal Shower invites and Thank You cards = $600+!!! The average American wedding is more than $25,000, which is absolutely insane, but I saw how easily we could have spent that much.
Dave and I thought we had found the perfect place for our wedding - a fancy barn, affiliated with a fancy restaurant near my hometown. How much could a barn rental cost anyways? We were looking over the brochure and nearly had a heart attack when we read: "The space may only be rented to customers who are buying at least $20,000 on food". !?!?!??!? Needless to say we did not take that route...
Vendors jack up the price of anything that is for a wedding. As soon as they hear "I'm planning my wedding" they triple the prices...it's true!!
I saved some money on flowers and a DJ by having a gardener friend make the arrangements, and two close guy friends be our MCs. For my bouquets, I saved money buy using flowers that were in season, and not considered "fancy". My sunflowers and babies breath were lovely, "fancy" or not!
2. Do not make decisions that will add to your stress levels.
I almost signed a contract to rent an absolutely gorgeous historical building for our reception. However, it could only seat 115 people, so I would have had to be holding my breath all summer hoping that not all the people we sent invites to would be able to come. I didn't want to have to stress about turning people away or having to find a new location last minute. Not to mention, the contract had so many clauses about not being allowed to hang things from the ceiling, and big fines for any kinds of damages to the building. While it would have been beautiful, I am glad I didn't do that to myself!
3. Don't try to do everything yourself!
I was awful at this point. I don't know why I did so many things by myself when I had friends ready and willing to help. I guess I was just afraid to ask someone to put aside an afternoon for mundane tasks like addressing envelopes. My issue was thinking that even though people offered to help, they might not actually want to. In the end, I think I offended more people by not asking for help...
Thankfully a few months before the wedding, my friend's cousin offered to help us with the decorations. She was a God-send. We would not have made it with out her help and her amazing vision. I had so many ideas floating around at once, but she helped us make them a reality. We also were so glad to have her oversee the decorating the week of the wedding while we were doing other things.
On the same subject - one awesome way to cut down on work for yourself is to use printing labels and return address labels. This saved a ton of work, and I had it all on my computer to use for Thank You cards later on.
4. Don't plan on cooking for your wedding.
We had this grand idea in the beginning that my parents/family would cook the rehearsal dinner, sides for the reception, and put together a "Berry Bar" of angel food cake and berries for our dessert. Thank GOODNESS we were talked out of this. The week of the wedding is a very high-strung/ stressful time. It is also when you want to be able to enjoy out of town friends and relatives instead of having to worry about pulling of a great meal and stuff. We gave some family recipes to our caterer and paid him to make them - it was worth it. We also decided to just buy a wedding cake. Though the Berry bar would have been a clever and sweet way to incorporate my new last name, it would have been stressful, time consuming, and ultimately more expensive. Plus I ended up loving my cake. Try to delegate everything you can to people outside your immediate families.
5. Your wedding cake doesn't have to be expensive!
We bought a small, two tiered, cake for cutting into and pictures. Then we bought a sheet cake of exactly the same thing to be cut and served to guests. A regular huge cake can cost $3.00 per serving or so. Our sheet cake was only $1.5 per serving. Some people have said they paid $600+ on a cake, total for mine was $240. Still expensive, but not that bad!
6. Recycling is a good thing!
We went through our recycling bin for jars that could be used for flower vases. I also got carafes and other vases at the Salvation Army for cheap. Having a "country-rustic" themed reception made it okay to use quirky items and furniture.
7. A hard one - you can't invite everyone
Dave and I have so many friends and family that is was really hard, and very stressful to make our guest list. After all of the family and closest friends plus significant others are invited, the task of choosing who will have those last few invites is the worst!!! If you invited this person, then that whole group will wonder why they weren't invited... whose friend is more likely to come..... what about all the people from church? I really and truly hope that nobody was offended that was not invited to our wedding. I tried to get a few last minute invites in as people informed me that they could not make it, but there were certainly people I would have liked to include. :(
8. Not everyone you invite will come!
I held my breath as we invited 250 people to our event, hoping that our estimation of 150 people attending would be correct. Our number ended up being 115. There were actually quite a few people who said they were coming but then didn't show up at all. Please people - if you are invited to a wedding be HONEST about whether you can go! The bride and her family pay for every seat and meal, even if they are not used. Don't feel like you have to say yes just to not hurt someones feelings, hoping they wont notice the day of that you aren't there...
9. Make your wedding special and unique
Dave flies helicopters for the Army. The coolest thing we did at our wedding was ride a helicopter to our reception, and have my dad play bagpipes as we walked up to greet the crowd. It actually wasn't an expensive ride at all - it was the cheapest personal touch we had, but it made a dream come true for Dave, and was something that definitely will be remembered. We also had a blueberry bush painting as our guest book, and had everyone make a green leaf thumbprint and sign their name. Get it? Blue berries....for the Berry couple :) Yeah...I'm cheesy like that
10. You don't have to stick with traditional seating.
I decided to forgo the typical "head table" seating, for an intimate "sweetheart" table. I wanted our wedding party to enjoy themselves, so I sat everyone with their friends, spread out around the room. It was nice having our own little table, and sharing our first meal as a married couple alone, but facing our friends and family.
11. Seating is a pain in the butt
It doesn't matter if you find the most amazing way of organizing your seating chart....you still have to actually decide who is going to sit with who. There will always be an odd number of people who want to sit together and some people who you have no idea where to put. At the end of the day though, people will get over who they sat with.
12. MAKE SURE THE BRIDE EATS
This is one of my only regrets. All summer we reiterated over and over that there would be plenty of snacks to keep me happy on the day of, since I get low blood sugar very quickly and feel sick. Unfortunately with the nerves and a million other things on my mind, I didn't eat or drink enough. But the time we started taking pictures I was a grouch and having a hard time keeping myself together. Imagine! Feeling cranky on your own wedding day! To be fair, I had an awful cold and hadn't been sleeping or eating well that week. We didn't get all of the pictures I wanted because I was only interested in getting the pictures over with so I could get some dinner. Now I am super bummed that I don't have certain pictures that I had planned on getting, all because an empty stomach was making me feel sick
Also - make sure the bride doesn't over-do it while planning. The WORST mistake I made was setting up 3 dress shopping appointments in one afternoon. I was a mess at the end of that day. It's overwhelming and very exhausting trying on dresses. Only make one or two appointments for any given day so you don't stress yourself out, and so that you stay sweet :)
13. Having a dress to change into is a good idea
Thank goodness I had a cute, lightweight dress to change into after the formal dances at the reception. My huge princess dress was too heavy and hot for me to wear all night. I could barely breathe with the corset waist, not because it was tired too tight, but because us 21st century women aren't used to restrictive clothing. We usually wear thin and airy fabrics. I felt like a whole new person with my new dress on, and had a lot more fun dancing after that!
14. Don't expect to see everyone
Try as I might, I did not get to visit with everyone at my wedding. I guess I will have to wait till it is someone else's wedding!
15. Have someone stay at your house after you leave for an hour or so to make sure you haven't forgotten something.
Thank goodness for two of my friends who stayed later at my house to get ready. We called them a million times on the ride to the church, remembering things we left behind (most importantly - the checkbook to pay our caterer and photographer!) My mom even decided last minute that she wanted to wear a different dress - so it was good to have them there. Especially since it is an hour drive between home and church.
16. Listen to your heart, not everyone else.
Everyone will have their own opinion about your wedding, colors, food, service etc. even yourself! It can be really hard not try to please everyone else. This is your wedding! You and your future husband (and whoever is helping pay) should be the only ones making the important decisions. End of story.
When you go to buy your dress - buy the one you want!!I tried on my dress and immediately started crying. I knew it was my dress at once, but everyone else liked a different dress better. I am so glad that I chose the one that felt right to me!
17. Things will go wrong!
There will be details that are forgotten in the midst of everything. That's okay!
Remember - It's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage!
The absolute most important detail of the wedding is the union of two people, who make a vow before God and their guest to love and honor each other all the days of their lives. It doesn't matter if everything goes wrong, as long as the bride and groom are right for each other. It's also important to know that the wedding is one day, but the rest of your life is what is important. So make sure to enjoy the enormity of being united to (hopefully) your best friend. Also - no amount of wedding plans matter - so if you feel you aren't ready to be married, even of the day of, don't do it! Marriage is HUGE! It really should not be taken lightly. I am so thankful for a wonderful, loving man that I call my husband, and I hope all my readers find their perfect match!
http://kendallmeetsworld.blogspot.com/2012/10/wedding-memories.html
