Observations from my first four months in Alabama

I've been in Alabama for almost four months now. Here are a few observations about my new life down here so far:

- I am exceedingly lucky to have this time to rest and take care of a home and husband, with no other real responsibilities.

- The dishwasher is such a wonderful invention - It completes a whole task while I work on other things!


- People take their college football SERIOUSLY down here. It's a big deal.

- A common way to describe someone who is funny is to say "she's a mess!" It's not an insult, though you'd think it would be. It just means they are a little silly or off their rocker...I think...

- No matter how many times I try to adjust my grocery list, we always seem to run out of something several different times before our main shopping trip. Of course none of these items run out at the same time! I also found out how much milk a grown man drinks - we run out just about every other day! Maybe I should just buy us a milk cow!

- A small apartment is a cozy apartment, and so easy to keep clean!

- I have grown to love the 5pm  sound of "Retreat" on base. From our apartment, I can hear the song played over the loud speaker. Everyone on base is required to stop what they are doing, pull over to the side of the road, and stand for a moment of silence as the flag is being lowered. It is a sign of respect for the flag, and for the many man and women who have fought and are still fighting for our freedom. It fills me with pride every time I hear it. There's a morning wake up at 5am where "Revielle" is played, "Retreat" at 5:30pm when the work day is over, and then "Taps" is played at 10pm before bed. When we leave, I will truly miss hearing them!

- The Commissary - Oh what an experience! It's like a regular grocery store except for two things. First, you have to have a military ID to buy anything. Second, the baggers are all "volunteers"- but the normal type of volunteer who does something out of the goodness of his or her heart, without wanting a reward. The baggers at the commissary EXPECT a tip for their services. It's always incredibly awkward because they bag your groceries and then insist on pushing your cart, unloading them into your car, and then waiting for you to fish out a few bills for a tip. If you insist that you are able to push our own cart, they will either be mad that you cheated them out of a tip, or they will follow you out to the car anyways and wait expectantly. OR if you do let them push your cart, you feel like a jerk because you are more than capable of pushing it yourself. The only solution that we have found is to buy what you can hold yourself and go through the self checkout.

- When you drive through the gate, the gate guards say "Above the best" as their greeting. Sometimes, without thinking, you find yourself replying with "you too" and then feeling embarrassed.

- Southern hospitality is not a myth! People a very friendly and welcoming down here. They are also quick to trust strangers. I was so surprised when a new friend offered that I could borrow her car while she was on vacation. Even more surprising, was being able to volunteer without an interview, background check or references.

- Army wives make good friends. We "get" each other in a way others can't, because we are experiencing the same things and feeling many of the same emotions. It is nice to feel like, right off the bat, I have something that I can relate with a new friend about. I know our friends down here with be forever friends.

- I will never get tired of folding camo and Army uniforms. It's a reminder of the honorable man I married who is serving his country and making me so proud.

- A loving husband is such a precious and dear thing to have. I don't know where I would be without Dave's love, concern, commitment and friendship. He truly is the best of the best.

"...I put childish ways behind me."

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11

I have been volunteering at the local senior center lately and sometimes I feel that I get more out of it than the seniors do. It's a nice chance for me to get out of the house and serve others. Last week, some women from a local church gave a small message and blessing for the seniors. I don't recall what the message was about because there was one part that really stuck to me and made me think. 

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child". 

Isn't that the truth!

I can't even count the number of silly things I have said or done as a child or young person. Just last night, Dave and I were sharing embarrassing moments, and I remembered a few that still make me cringe (For example: who tells their favorite teacher that she thinks her husband is "hott" because her friends dared her to?? Me. That's who. I still can't believe it to this day) We do silly things when we are young and can't see past the fun of the moment, or the desire to fit in with our peers, not thinking of the lasting harm to our reputations or others involved.  

"When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me"

This part really struck home. I am an adult now. I'm graduated, married, moved, and older than the young girl who did silly things. I have been thinking about the areas of life that change when you "grow up". Here are a few of my thoughts:

I had a great conversation with a friend several months ago who commiserated about the change that happens to a friendship when you grow up and get married. She had to stop letting a friend manipulate her as she had in their school days, and move into more "adult friendship".  Before then, I hadn't really put much thought into what it would mean to be friends when I became an adult, or if there would be any significant changes. I've decided that part of growing up is knowing that friendships are important, but not letting a friendship have control over your life. If it's a positive one, nurture it, but know when it's time to put distance in a relationship that isn't healthy.  It also means putting in the effort to keep up with friends, even when it's not easy or convenient. 

College ended. There's no more living a few feet away from a friend, and spending every free moment surrounded by others. I'm married now, and my husband comes first. That means sharing everything small detail with him, and not going into quite as much depth with my friends. Back in the day I remember sharing every detail of my boyfriend/girlfriend relationships with "the girls", but of course, mature husbands and wives are much more private out of respect for each other. Being an adult means also understanding that I may not get to see my friends as much as I used to. We have jobs, bills, husbands and someday children that need attention. That's why I remind myself to cherish a phone call, or thoughtful card, instead of wishing we had more time for each other. 

I've also come to the conclusion that an adult must be true to his or herself. This means that my convictions, opinions, and especially my faith, are not to be easily laid aside. There is no longer any excuse for not doing "the right thing", or saying what needs to be said. I'm past that stage where I didn't know myself and what I stood for, so it is time I stopped letting it bother me what others would say, and stick up for what is important. I remember when it was more crucial to have people like me than to do what I felt was right. Being an adult Christian means trying NOT to fit in with this sin filled world. Therefore, I am working on putting aside my childish ways and seeking approval from God.  

There is so much more I could write about this topic, but I think leaving this post on the briefer side (if I can really call it that) is better for my readers. I really love when a quote or a few lines of scripture creates in me an important inner turmoil. One that I grapple with and requires thought and growth on my part. 

Forgiveness - My Chains are Gone

"My chains are gone. I've been set free. My God, my Savior has ransomed me. 

And like a flood his mercy rains, 

Unending love, Amazing Grace" 

I absolutely love Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone). Yesterday we sung this song in church and it moved me like it always does. It's hard not to feel a little bit choked up when you truly grasp the grace we have been given, though we don't deserve it.

Then, before bed, Dave and I continued our Bible reading through the book of Matthew. The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:21-35 caught my attention like it never had before. Has that ever happened to you? I've heard the story many times in my life, but for some reason didn't understand it as fully as I did last night. It was honestly a reminder that I really needed, an important one that I wanted to share.

One of the disciples asks Jesus how many times we must forgive others. He replies, "I tell you the truth, not seven times, but seventy times seven.."  I could probably do the math to figure our how many times that is, but the point is to always be forgiving. That's not easy! Sometimes I have trouble with forgiving the first time let alone the 7X77! Goodness, if I forgave someone that many times, I would have to be so full of love and grace I wouldn't be counting at all! (Point taken)

But Jesus goes on to make a greater point through a parable:

In his story, a king decides to settle his accounts with his servants. One servant owed him quite a debt, and since he could not pay it back, he and his wife and children were to be sold into slavery to repay the king. But the servant fell to his knees and begged for another chance to pay back what he owed. The king showed mercy, and cancelled the whole deficit, letting the servant walk away a free man. How do you forget a forgiveness like that?!

However, that same servant then found another servant who owed him money, and since that man couldn't pay him back, he had him thrown into jail until the debt was repaid. The fellow servant begged for mercy, but though the kings servant had just received an amazing grace of his own, he refused to give the man another chance.

Hearing what had happened, the king was furious. He handed the man over to the jailers to be tortured until his debt could be repaid.

And Jesus said, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart". 

I'm not sure why, but it had never fully hit me that God IS that king in the story every single day with us. Daily forgiving us with grace we will never, ever deserve. And what do we do? We find every reason to take offense and hold something against a fellow sinner. In the story, it's amazing to me how the servant just received an amazing gift of forgiveness, from the king no less, but he seeks out another servant, someone in his very same position, and can't show him the same mercy. That a king would look on a lowly servant with mercy is amazing, so why do we forget that miracle every day in our interactions with others?

Because of our sin, we owe a huge debt that we can never repay. When we go against God and don't forgive others, Jesus has said we will will be held accountable for our own debts. The servant in the story was sentenced to be tortured until his could repay what he owed. I drew my own connection that if we can never repay our debts, and if we were sentenced to the same torture, it would be eternal. I'd say that makes it vitally important that we forgive others as Christ has forgiven us.

These are strong words, a promise that I admit almost hurt to read because of how it convicts me. However, the story can also reinforce our joy that we DO have a King who can forgive us. A King that somehow loves each of us, and cancels our debts when we cry out for mercy and forgiveness. "My chains are gone, I've been set free!" The question is, how will we respond to such a gift? Will we continue to have unforgiving hearts, or will we release others from their debts as a testament to the love we have received through Christ.

Happily "Unemployed"

I don't have a job.

 In truth, I haven't looked for one, 

and I have no intention of doing so in the immediate future. 

For some reason the fact that I do not have a job outside of the home seems to really bother people. Aside from the fact that the decision for me to be at home right now was a joint decision that my husband and I agreed to, and continue to be happy about, it really shouldn't be a concern to anybody else!

However, my mission in this blog has always been to record my honest thoughts, so therefore I think it might actually be a good idea for me to explain why I am not looking for employment.

There are several reasons that I will not be looking for a job while Dave and I live in Alabama, despite having just earned a degree in Social Work.

- Fort Rucker is not your average military base. It is a place where almost everybody is just "passing through". Military families come for any period of time from a few weeks to several years for different types of training, typically in the form of flight school. There is usually no way of knowing exactly how long you will be here because, as I am learning, the Army has a mind of its own. Dave and I will probably be here about 6 months give or take before we move back to Pennsylvania.  That is not a lot of time to find a job, get settled in, and then transition out.

- Not only that, but since the surrounding community knows that most military families are just passing through, they are not looking to hire somebody who will be leaving in several months. I did meet with a woman who works to try and find military wives jobs, and she said the only way I could get a social work job would be in the form of an unpaid internship, because employers would not be interested in hiring me for the short term. I have done my fair share of unpaid internships, and while rewarding, it's hard for me to want to put forth the time and considerable emotion expense for free (especially since I will be doing more unpaid internships when I attend grad school).  Certainly I could babysit, work at a fast food place or clean houses. however we do not at this moment require the extra income, so I don't need to work a job just for the sake of working.

- I have always enjoyed volunteering my time, but right now I feel called to a different mission, the support of my husband during a very important time in his life and career. Dave has long hard days that start early in the morning, and little time to do anything but sleep and study. I feel incredibly blessed to be here to have his lunch ready when he is rushing through the door to eat, a good healthy dinner (better than the bachelor days of Ramen noodles), and a clean and comfortable home for him to rest in at the end of the day. His time in flight school is for both of us, as being a pilot will likely be how he provides for our family for years to come. Any role I can have in supporting him and making his life easier is a privilege to me. Not to mention, we both adore any moment we have together, so it is a gift to be here whenever Dave is able to be home - something I would not trade.

- Being newly married, I am thankful to have this short period of time to just focus on being a wife. I don't just sit around relaxing and twiddling my fingers all day as many probably think. Sure, I have time to do some crafting and fun reading, but I am also learning how to run a household. I'm planning menus, trying new recipes, cleaning our apartment, keeping up with the laundry, and most importantly spending time in Bible study and prayer that God would bless our marriage, and help me to be a good wife. I find that my faith is really maturing now that I have made an effort to devote more time to spiritual growth.

- Personally, the last nine months have been very taxing. Have you ever heard of the life stress scale where you add points for the all of the life stresses? Well, I did one of those one day and Dave immediately made me stop because he didn't want me to stress about how much stress I was feeling!! Dave in the Army, internship in hospice that really took an emotional tole, finishing a four year degree in two, graduating, moving home, working and planning a wedding (which was not without it's bumps!), death of a friend, feeling sick, getting married,  moving across the country, meeting new friends and missing old ones... I shouldn't have to say it, but I really have needed this time of rest in a new season of my life. And don't worry! I'm sure my life will not be peaches and roses forever, though I hope that my peace is in the Lord and I will carry it with me whatever happens after this period of rest.

I confess, it can be upsetting when I seem to constantly get asked if I have a job yet. I am trying to give people grace because it is hard to understand my situation unless someone has lived something similar. I find comfort in the other military spouses I am meeting who also feel that right now is a time to focus on our husbands careers instead of our own. My mother in law also encourages me to enjoy every minute of this, as she thinks fondly of the days when she stayed home to support her husband while he was serving our country.

I recall at one of my social work internships my supervisor would ask if the client had a job, and often they would reply "no, I stay at home with the kids". My supervisor would empower those women by saying "taking care of house, a husband and children IS a full time job, just without the pay or recognition".

I really wish our society would get away from the idea that our worth is wrapped up in the job we have and the success of our careers. I don't say any of this to offend women who are working. Soon I will be getting my master's degree and finding a job, and I will have a new appreciation for the woman who both works AND keeps a household. My purpose is to explain why I am, at the moment, happily unemployed. Right now, I am finding my joy in doing what I feel is God's calling for this season of my life. I wont earn money, titles or recognition, but honestly, those things don't bring me as much happiness as a loving home, and time with husband.

Wedding Memories

 It has been a month and a half since the wedding and I think it's about time I posted some pictures and memories from our wedding day. My first attempt at this post was a novel length description of every detail of the wedding weekend, but I decided the post would be a lot more interesting if I kept the wordage light, and went a little bit more heavy on the pictures.

(Not sure how else to give credit so: All photos with a "*" were taken by Brett Crawford Photography http://brettcrawfordphoto.com/ ) 

Our Wedding Weekend: 

 The weekend kicked off with David's family arriving early. It was so wonderful seeing the brothers reunited again, as they hadn't seen each other since Christmas - a record length for the best friend/brother duo. 

Here are the guys trying on our photo booth props and being silly. (Can you see me trying to photo bomb in the back?)

Friday night we had a large crowd at our house for the rehearsal dinner. All of our out of town guests were invited. We had guests from Colorado, California, Georgia, South Carolina, Missouri, Arkansa, Alabama, Pennsylvania, Ohio and New York - so amazing!. A huge highlight was seeing two of my friends that I had studied in Africa with - hadn't seen them since we parted ways in Rwanda! We decorated the barn for extra seating and it was fun to invite our loved ones into our home. 

Friday I was incredibly sick with a bad cold and had lost most of my voice. I was really worried that I would be miserable the next day - as the doctor had said there was nothing they could do to speed up my recovery. For someone who avoids medicine at all cost, I was begging for some kind of miracle shot or something to make me better. I left the party early to soak in a nice bath and have a Nyquil induced sleep. It was comforting to doze off to the sounds of my beloved family and friends having a nice evening right outside my window, and even more amazing knowing that the very next day I would be marrying my best friend. 

September 1st 2012

Praise God! The morning of our wedding dawned bright and beautiful, and though I was still feverish, I felt ten times better than I had the night before! No better day than your wedding day to wake up feeling good! It rained lightly for a half hour in the morning - another good sign I hear. :)

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The girls all got ready at my house. Two good friends from college also came to help everyone fix their hair, and to bring the million and one items we forgot and frantically called about on the way to the church. 

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I was oddly very calm all morning. No nerves or jitters, just ready to get married! The only thing that rocked my tranquility was that we realized we had forgotten to pick up the flowers five minutes before the shop closed! Thankfully some of the girls ran out to get them and the flowers arrived safely and were beautiful. 

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We took a few pictures of us girls at my house and then changed back out of our dresses so that they wouldn't wrinkle on the 45min drive to my church. 

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Wedding colors were dark blue and gold to match David's Army dress uniform. I love the way the colors looked together. 

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"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" 

Before the Ceremony

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Here are the guys helping each other put on their boutineers.

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Putting on my wedding dress for the second time that day.

 I find it ironic that the bride gets ready in the nursery at our church...is that supposed to be some sort of hint? haha.

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Love this shot of my sister helping me with my shoes. 

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Pre-ceremony prayer.

3:30 PM Ceremony - David and Kendall get Married! 

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Precious shots of Dave seeing me walk down the aisle <3

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 Gahh! He is so handsome!! Thank goodness for photos because I didn't have my glasses on and was therefore blind to this moment until I got up to the front. 

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 There is no better feeling than floating down the aisle towards the love of your life. 

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I held it together for most of the service, but lost it when I started reading my vows to Dave. Our siblings made the wedding ceremony truly special for us. Both brothers read scripture, and my sister sung "When God Made You" by Newsong. 

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Our first steps as Mr. and Mrs. Berry!

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 Hugging my HUSBAND 

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Woohoo! Married!

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 Our families:

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My brother lent us his car for the day. Thanks Gus! 

Everyone thought that we were on our way to the reception by car, but instead we had Jason drop us off as the nearby airfield where we got a helicopter ride in to the reception! Dave is a helicopter pilot, so it was his dream to have that somehow incorporated into our wedding - we were so happy that a week before the wedding it became a possibility! This was one of the most exciting parts of our day, as I had never been in a helicopter before, and it was a lot of fun to surprise our friends and family. 

One of my favorite pictures...I'm so excited!!

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My father marched us up to the crowd while playing his bagpipes! It felt like a royal entrance - helicopter, bagpipes, and the most handsome prince! 

 

Thanks Dad! 

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Our reception was at the Maynard Rod and Gun Club. When we first rented the space I had no idea how we were going to decorate it to make it both pretty and wedding-y, as well as country and rustic. Thank goodness for our new friend Monika who took our vision and made it happen! The reception was so beautiful and had the quirky, country, and comfortable feel I was hoping it would have. Here are a few pictures:

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The caribou head actually looked cute! 

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Burlap ribbon around a jar of fresh cut flowers

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We embossed the table settings (one of my new favorite craft ideas!)

Guest put their thumb print on our "Berry bush" - get it? :) I can't wait to frame this and hang it in our home! 

Up in front of the dance floor was our sweetheart table. I just loved the warm colors and lights behind us. 

Here is our cake - the topper next to us was on David's grandparents cake 60 years ago, and was passed on to us as a gift. So special! 

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Here we are laughing at my sister's wedding toast and having a wonderful time! 

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In hind sight, we could have been a lot more messy when feeding each other cake...I think in the moment we didn't want to mess up each others faces or outfits right before the first dance. 

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"Don´t know how I lived without you
'Cuz every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild" Smile by Uncle Kracker

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Dad and I danced to "I Loved her First" by Heartland

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I wish I could go back with a ton of energy and dance for another 3 hours! It was a blast! Two of our friends helped us out by MCing and DJing the evening. Thanks Brandon and Tim! 

Having a shorter dress for the reception was a lifesaver - I was incredibly hot and my huge princess wedding dress was cutting off my ability to breathe. I felt so much better after I changed and could move and breathe easily again! 

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My brother caught the garter and our family friend, Megan, caught the flowers. So cute :) 

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 So happy, and content, and sleepy. 

Thank you to all of our family and friends who came to celebrate our wedding day with us. Dave and I were truly overwhelmed by the love and support we felt as we began our lifetime together. We can't thank you guys enough for your help, love and prayers. 

So far, I can hardly believe how incredible it is to be married. Every day I get to wake up next to a kind, loving and selfless man who is truly my best friend. It's amazing that my love for Dave grows stronger every day - I didn't know that could actually happen, but it does! I can't thank God enough for my husband, he is truly the biggest gift I have ever been entrusted with. 

If you are interested in watching it, here is the link to our wedding video, made by my dear friend, Mary Kate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oVjjnHmlOY&feature=BFa&list=UUMaNhz6OBaVz0Wr2w9tNaTQ

Or here is the extended version:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu0x_XLS2yE&list=UUMaNhz6OBaVz0Wr2w9tNaTQ&index=2&feature=plcp

* Photos with a "*" were taken by Brett Crawford http://brettcrawfordphoto.com/ 

Healthy is the new Skinny!

"I need a new pair of jeans." 

Some people would freak out if their jeans stopped fitting, but I feel like throwing a party. I lost way too much weight this last year from stress and anxiety- so much that I weighed about as much as I did in the 8th grade again, more than 8 years ago. Between interning in hospice, graduating from college, planning a wedding, a long distance relationship and other life stress, I was completely wound up and not doing the best I could for myself.

I am so thankful that my life has slowed down enough for me to catch my breath and take care of myself again. I look healthier, feel better, and I just love when I put on clothes that had been baggy a few months ago, and now I have to do that tight jeans dance to button them!

So if you see me in a few months and I look a little bit bigger, don't think "wow, she's really letting herself go now that she's married". That's crazy, and so far from the truth! I have never had a better reason to be healthy than I do now, and Dave and I couldn't be happier that I am finally eating enough and not stressing out!

Haven't you heard? Healthy is the new skinny! I would rather be healthy and full of energy any day than sickly skinny like I was.

Is it Christmas yet?!?

I was quite proud of myself when I was ahead of the curve and ordered our Christmas picture cards last week. They are the cutest things ever!  I've always wanted to send a photo card at Christmas, and now that I have my own little family, I can! We are even going to write a letter to send with it!

I got them in the mail today, and I am DYING to send them now. This is why I should never do things ahead of time - I can't stand the suspense of having to wait to give them to people!! Hurry up Christmas!

Recovering Bride

I know why the honeymoon is usually directly after the wedding - the bride needs a vacation!

But now that I am over a month away from our wedding day, I am missing the days of plans and pre-marital excitement a little bit. I'm like a recovering addict, and my wedding was my addiction. I don't know a bride that wouldn't agree that it's hard not to think about it a lot during the day when you are about to be married. However, life moves on, and I now know the joy of being a wife. I'm not completely used to the idea yet, but so far, it has been everything I hoped for and more. Despite my intense happiness, I still catch myself trying to get a hit off that wedding buzz again.

Here are the top things "I do" as a recovering bride:

I still pin wedding ideas on Pinterest - and then I get a little disappointed because I can't actually use them in my wedding anymore!

I look through our wedding pictures every day. I seriously cannot get enough of how perfect the day was. If I could live it all over again, I totally would!

I cannot wait to get the mail every day. Even though the RSVPs and wedding cards have stopped coming, I am still kicking the urge to check the mail several times a day. I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs - I was conditioned those last few months by finding something fun and exciting every time I opened the mailbox! I make poor Dave stop at the apartment mailboxes every time we drive past just to check. :)

My heart will skip a beat or two when somebody calls me "Mrs. Berry" or when I get introduced as "Dave's wife". It takes me a minute to realize it's true. It's still SO COOL.

I think of perfect wedding related blog posts that I hope to someday write.

Every once in a while I catch myself thinking "I don't ever want this visit to be over!". This past year I visited Dave in Alabama a few times and it was always so hard to leave. But now I am finally at the "someday" we were looking forward to when I wouldn't have to leave anymore. It's so nice!

And the top thing I do as a recovering bride: is look at Dave and think "I want to marry that man!" - oh wait, I did!!

Photo by Brett Crawford - http://brettcrawfordphoto.com/